i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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