I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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