You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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