Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize