I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
