I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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