There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
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I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
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I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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