U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
we're so committed to being not committed
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
