You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
