I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
