I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
