we're blogging at a bar
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
