a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
