You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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