What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
