she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
