About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
