does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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