Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
