i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
