is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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