why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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