can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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