I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
