dude i'm inner monologue high
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
