do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
