I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
