I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
