I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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