FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
