You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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