Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
