you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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