i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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