I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
