Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
