I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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