They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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