i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize