i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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