planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just found puke in my bra..
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
my liver is dry heaving
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
