Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
