we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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