vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
