Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
