Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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