he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
