You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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