Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
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So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
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We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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