I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
