I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
