I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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