Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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