The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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