there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
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Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
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So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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