Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
