Have you finally orgasmed yet?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
