Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
