I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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