I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
