I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
