I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
