I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
