Its about making memories worth repressing
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
