so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
