No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
