Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
